i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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