How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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