I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
