i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
