Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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