Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
