I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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