Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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