There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
