I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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