i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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