They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
