You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
