I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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