And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
