Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
