"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
