I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
