just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
