Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
