Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
