i jhust puked up my retainher.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
