I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
