I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
