Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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