Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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