Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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