i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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