Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
