i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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