i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
