I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
