I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
