Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
