I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
