there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
