Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
