i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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