Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
