Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just invented taco cereal.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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