You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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