If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
