Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
