Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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