Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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