I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
