Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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