i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
