It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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