Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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