how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
