i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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