I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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