after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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