I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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