Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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