Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
