do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
