do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
