he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
