How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
