Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
