on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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