Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
