Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
