either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
