Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
