The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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