What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
