so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
