Someone shit on the floor
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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